This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize