Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
