i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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