I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
