Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
