so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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