Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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