woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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