every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
