So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
