Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
