; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
