I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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