wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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