So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
