You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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