just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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