she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
