Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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