The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
