it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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