thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I supernannyed him into submission
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
