This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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