Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
