So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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