i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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