I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
