cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
