The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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