Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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