so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
