I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
