So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
