She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think people are normalizing furries
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
