Sponge bath it is.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
