Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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