I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
