She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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