You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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