I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
