How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
