I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
