Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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