you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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