i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
