(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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