I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
