the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
