Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
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At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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