You were right. It hurts to walk today.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
