wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
