I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
