im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The uberlube is also flammable
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
