Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
