Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
