it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
