it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
