your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
