You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
its liver damage thursday
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