she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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