that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
