I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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