i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
