my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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