She's JV to your varsity
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
