I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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