The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
