Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
