she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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