So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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