I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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